We instinctively compare ourselves with other people. The instant we meet we start comparing, “am I better than them or are they better than me?”, “will they take something from me or will I take something from them?”, “do they have more than me or less than me?”. Imagine you had billions of any kind of currency; you believe you would be ecstatic. But then imagine even with all your billions you had the least amount of billions of everybody, would you not instantly deflate?
Comparison is a step towards pain, for pain is the only thing that will come from comparison as we can witness by the heartache created by social media platforms, which are institutions for comparison, consciously or not.
Now the next step on this slippery slope is competition. If others have more than us then we better show them! So we start competing, which is always a game of win-lose and even if we win, often over those closest to us, then we will have to pay. Remember if anyone around you fails in any way one of the dynamics going on is competition. Competition destroys relationships! Support, caring, mutuality and blessing work much better.
So two steps down and now for the big one underneath our comparison and competition: it is so unfair! “Look what they have and what I have, how hard I work and how lazy they are; if I had what they have I would do so much better . . .” This is such a common story for so many of us, it is so prevalent amongst so many different groups. There are two dynamics that go with this story and first is the desire for justice.
On the surface our search for justice and righting perceived wrongs seems so commendable, but usually since it is an attack it seldom achieves a good all round outcome. So at some point we increase the pressure and then it becomes vengeance and righteousness; now we are cooking as our energy shoots up and we now have direction even “purpose” in our lives. Now we mount our trusty steed and charge off to fight those fields of shadows. It is a fight that will have no victors; no spoils from this battle just a lot of pain and suffering. Now we are at the deepest level, which is resentment and revenge. Now our lives turn bitter and we quickly grow old. Surely there is a better way.
The second dynamic of the unfair story is being a victim: someone else has done it to us. Many of us then go about our lives trying to be fair but every solution that we consider fair will not be received that way by all and so even results in others thinking it is unfair. That is because our attempt to create fairness was built on a story of how unfair it is, so that is what it will create. “It is unfair”, is such a victim statement and conveys you have no part in what is going on in your life.
The unfair story is our way of convincing ourselves of our powerlessness. It is an attack on ourselves and everyone around us and will keep us a victim for as long as we tell it, as long as we live it. Because it is not fair and it is not unfair, it is exactly they way you have created it. By our thoughts, our actions, by our very consciousness we are creating our reality and it will be exactly as we create it. We do need to give up our victim stories, we do need to forgive those we have a grievance against because if we don’t we will continue to repeat it. We need to remember our power of choice and who we really are. “I am the master of my fate: I am the Captain of my soul”, and your life will go in the direction you point it in.
We have come to share and to give and extend ourselves to those around us because in doing so we will get to know ourselves and the path we have all come to walk. We each have our own path and no-one’s path is better or worse than another’s. So look to yourself and not to others for your place in this world. Sadhguru says it so well: “With morality, you will become crooked. With humanity, your heart will naturally beat for everything in existence.”
Sue and Jeff