This week is Susie’s and my Ruby wedding anniversary, our 40th, so we are a little late with this blog but like all good things it is worth the wait. It is a time for us to celebrate the miracle, celebrate each other and ourselves. It is a miracle because there have been times of great difficulty, heartbreak and guilt, but somehow providence was with us; somehow each time the pain and suffering took us to a higher level, a place of greater maturity and wisdom, once we became willing to learn and heal.
One of the core lessons we have learned is understanding. This is so important to strive for in any relationship, to be willing to take the time to really understand your partner. You certainly need to suspend all your judgments and beliefs about where you believe you are right and be willing to listen, to open your mind and really learn about your partner. If you truly understand the journey they are on, you know the depth of the challenges they have experienced and you have looked into their soul, then you have joined at a level of understanding that is intimacy.
We have learned that pain about our pasts creates grievances against others, and is basically because we did not really understand what was happening at the time. Typically, when we are upset it is because we are caught by our ego and we are misunderstanding why someone is acting the way we perceive them to be acting. If we don’t understand our partner, we will fall out of love with them. Once we become willing to understand our partner, we will then start a deep sense of appreciation and once that happens love flows like an ever-growing stream.
When we start a relationship we think we know our partner. But at some point we need to recognise we are only seeing ourselves and if we are willing to look deeply into ourselves we might start catching glimpses of who our partner really is. With this insight comes the marvel, then the wonder, followed by the magnificence. There are now times when we feel much more alike, many of the differences are no longer present and we think as one. Not always but more and more often.
So, it was with understanding that we read Sadhguru’s gem this week:
“People who think only good things should happen to them are unfit for life. If you do not know how to go through harsh situations joyfully, you will avoid all possibilities.”
We recognise this is true in relationships as well as maybe every other facet of life. However, we do need to look to our fears. Today in the UK many people are using the ‘fear’ word to threaten and attack others, and so we need to remember that we fear moving forward because we believe in doing so we will or might lose something. So it is the fear of loss that keeps us from moving forward and growing. There have been times when we became caught in our fears and then our resistance to moving forward came up.
However now we have the recognition that the world is moving faster and faster and the issues are coming faster and faster. We need to move with this force because if we resist the change then it is only a matter of time before the dam breaks and we are left swimming for our lives. We have been led to work on our relationship with the recognition that what we are called to teach is what we most need to learn. We are all called to live and love, and we think we have met our challenges together and made our relationship a good foundation. We certainly needed to learn a lot about surrendering, about being wrong and about humility.
So, we would like to thank all the teachers, students, friends and family who have shared parts of our journey, who have stood by our sides and cried and laughed with us.
Now where is that ruby????