The school holidays are on us and we are now face to face with our children or grandchildren or other people’s children and most of them come with a long list of demands. These demands are naturally of vital importance to them but are often something less to us and so on some occasions we are called to say NO.
Many of us, however, feel bad about saying NO so let’s review a few aspects of this anti-social word.
No is difficult to say when we have lost our boundaries with our children (or, indeed, with anyone). This shows up when you say No they return with a guilt trip often by pulling a long face and then you start feeling bad (guilty!). Instead, when you say No and they go into reaction, you do not have to follow them. Recognize you are responsible for your emotional state and you could choose to stay happy, or contented or peaceful! Your children can then learn how to manage their emotions instead of using them.
When you say NO make sure you mean it. Any wavering and you will get nailed by even the smallest of children. They’ll know when you mean it or not!
People’s sub-conscious minds do not hear the word NO so if you respond to a request by a simple NO 4% of the child will hear NO and 96% will hear something else so it is important that you qualify the NO. Explain why you are saying NO in a simple and short sentence and you will be heard.
For us to win back our power we have to be able to say NO because if you cannot then it is only a matter of time before you agree to do something that you know is out of integrity for which you’ll feel guilty and then you’ll disown more of your power. Eventually this will lead to a feeling of powerlessness and that is never true.
Often we feel we don’t have a choice and just feel we have to go along with others. This, in turn, will put us in sacrifice which sooner or later will lead to feelings of anger and sometimes even rage. When we win back our power we also understand we always have a choice which is exercising the use of our power. With choice we recognize we could choose to do something or not to do it which means having the capacity and courage to say NO. Recognizing it is your choice if you do something or not, will get you out of sacrifice which comes from our feeling we have to do something, and we have no choice.
Lastly, many of us have a problem with saying NO because we want everyone to like us. If we do this we then trade our power for our need for approval and our children will copy us because they love us. At least, they do until it gets too bad then they hit the rebel stage which is another story.