In our constant search for keys to improving our relationships, we get drawn again and again to two central topics, which were also highlighted during the apprenticeship in Hawaii last month.
Fusion is a tough subject because we are so accustomed to our untrue connections with others. It seems to be what lies at the heartof much of our co-dependency. It scrambles communication to the point where we feel it is difficult to be truly honest with those around us. When we have fusion it is difficult to tell the truth and it is difficult to be ourselves. Fusion holds us stuck in untrue relationships and it keeps us from connecting deeply with our true partners.
Fusion is a finger of the hand of sacrifice and few of us have escaped its effects. Fusion is counterfeit love. When we were very small we fused with anyone close to us and we did it to try to fulfill our core need for love. Typically it did not work and the resulting pile of rubble we hide under a mountain of independence. The effects of our fusion show up later in our relationships as, ‘I can’t live with them and I can’t live without them’ and, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore’.
When we heal our fusion it feels so good, it is like we get our life back. We give up all the approval seeking and the fear. The result is certainly worth the investigation.
Compensations – we seem to constantly write about them and maybe that is so one day we really get it!
Look at your partner or anyone significant in your life and notice the differences between you. Many of the differences you might have accommodated, some you have certainly ignored and a few more you still complain about, silently or otherwise. Maybe you can extend these thoughts to the people around you and, if you are brave, people in the news. If we assume the spiritual truth that we are all one then that means all those apparent differences are our compensations, in other words, how we are saying we are not like them (actually we are something better).
That gives us something to reflect on and something to clean up. If we understand the nature of compensations and how detrimental they are to our lives, we see how much we unwittingly pay for these differences that push us further and further from our true nature.
Another good measure of how much we have compensated is to look at our ability to receive negative feedback. The more the compensations the more upset we get when someone is kind enough to point out our shortcomings. It takes courage to face up to this and we need to understand that to hide them under dissociation and/or attack is not helpful.
Relationships are a constant study for us; they continually show us what is broken in our minds. And even the smallest amount of willingness and awareness can take us a long way in really learning and growing from them, instead of being in reaction in its many guises.
So Hawaii gave us loads of material to keep working on until the next issue comes up!!!