Compensations are a subject we return to again and again so hopefully one day we will really get it!
Our compensations are many and varied and often we have worn them so long we actually think that is who we are; you know, nice sweet kind loving caring thoughtful considerate industrious and excellent specimens of the human race (or maybe speciwomens). Well at least 85% of us are like that and the other 15%
have to balance us off by enthusiastically embracing the opposite.
Whichever side of the good/bad divide, they are all still compensations because neither is real or even true. Our compensations are beliefs and self-concepts we took on at an early age to conceal our bad feelings and guilt. While initially they appear to be a good cover, no matter how well we embrace them they stop us being rewarded and receive for what we do. And they make our lives difficult. We have to have a multitude of internal behavioural auditors to keep ourselves in line.
Having the courage to really question ourselves is an important first step to getting past these mis-creations to what is much truer and more essential about us. And then this is the rub, how do we know when a compensation has been confronted? The answer appears to be because we get upset.
Upset is always of the ego and it is the first step before we resort to attack in whichever is our favoured form. Many of us go through life like an old fashioned sea-mine with all those spikes sticking out and God help anyone foolish enough to rub up against any of them. All our compensations appear to come with such a trigger and the greater the compensation the bigger the bang in the worst sense of the word.
Our world seems to have a habit of confronting our compensations and that is the good news because, to be honest, I have an ego and most of you also have one which by definition makes us capable of cruelty, hatred, violence, aggression, anger and attack. This explains why good people do bad things.
So when you are caught in your compensations and your ego is confronted do you believe you don’t have a choice about how you respond? Do you say, “How dare you suggest I’m like that!”, “I never did that or thought that!” – which typically is a form of attack or defence? However once we bust our compensations and become more honest we start to recognise that we always have a choice about how to respond.
Hopefully we will always make good choices but I know that is not always the case for me so maybe time for a little more honesty …… and forgiveness of myself and others.