Do you have any comments or feedback for us? Do you have any questions you’d like answered? Recently we have been asked the question:
“Why does my partner keep failing and not being successful?”
It’s always tough to see someone close to us failing, and we might try and help them with all kinds of suggestions. But when we see a partner or significant friend or family member failing we can also look at our own levels of competition. Are we secretly competing to prove we are the successful one?
To answer this question more fully and to help you through this dynamic here is an extract from our Steps to Leadership programme.
The problem with competition is that it is based on winning, and by definition for us to win someone else must lose. In competition we confuse the rush of adrenalin with the true nature of success. We confuse drama with life and we associate happiness with winning instead of with giving. In competition we are on a slippery slope for while most of the time we will win, sooner or later the tables will turn.
All competition is destructive because it is based on the belief in scarcity and specialness, generated through separation and lost bonding. Many of us grew up in families where we perceived a lack of certain qualities and in order to get our share of the pie we fought with our family. We competed for the attention of our parent of the opposite sex, setting up the Oedipal issues. We competed with our brothers and sisters to make up for the feelings of lack in our family situation. We compete with our world to have our needs met.
Consider your family past and present, also your workmates and their situations.
Who is failing, who is struggling?
Somehow if you were to know what you are competing for it would be?
Somehow if you were to know when this started for you it was at the age of?
Somehow if you were to know who was involved when this scarcity started it was ?
This was the beginning of scarcity and therefore competition. Take a moment and recognise that the opposite to competition is support. Choose to support your family members and friends back then, and now also see yourself supporting them instead of competing with them.
In what way could you support them now? Where is it that you have stopped giving to them?
In the deserts of the heart let the healing fountain start.
– W H Auden