This is such a big subject for all of us. Basically we all started to compensate about the time when we started feeling bad, feeling guilty and developing some dark thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. Most of us most of the time don’t really like to walk around feeling bad or guilty (actually they are the same thing) so what do we do when we feel these unpleasant emotions? We begin to compensate: that is, we pretend we are good, and kind, and sweet and we displace the negative emotions onto the people around us. We are good but unfortunately they are bad!
We have all done this and in many instances so much and for so long we really have believed our own propaganda and we really think that is who we are and that is who others around us are. Often our compensations are skin-tight. However there is no harm in attending a few seminars and therapy sessions just to ensure this compensation really is us. We go along and do our forgiveness, acceptance and letting go and leave believing we really do have our money’s worth.
Typically we are compensating if we feel we are not getting from life all we deserve; we work hard, are good to small furry animals and yet we are just not rewarded. We seem to lack purpose and therefore fulfilment in our lives, we are a bit dead and dissociated even lacking direction. We don’t have a strong sense of self, we are often fused or co-dependent in our relationships and there seem to be quite a few bad people in our world! Apart from these everything is basically fine!
At some point in our lives our compensations will collapse and when they do all the emotions that were buried under them will come to the surface and that is basically when you feel the only way out is to kill yourself. Luckily many of us are so good at maintaining our compensations that we pull the mask back on before we do such a thing.
We need to learn that the compensation is not true. The compensation is hiding all our guilt and negative beliefs about ourselves that are also not true, but to get past them we need to experience those emotions recognising that they are our emotions and they are part of our belief systems and self-concepts. Only when we do this can we finally begin to experience our true selves and while we will still fall back into the negative emotions and might even be tempted to compensate, we now have an inkling of who we might really be.
In time all our compensations will collapse because our souls will set up whatever needs to happen to give us the opportunity to see what lurks beneath, and also because they are not the truth about us.
Those of us who compensate are dangerous; we who claim we would never be violent, or angry or selfish or hateful or vicious are hiding behind our compensations and it is only a matter of time before that slips and out comes our dark side. Naturally we are mortified afterwards, saying such things as “I don’t know what came over me!”
Well, the answer is easy, “it was you who came over you.” We all have violence inside, and hatred and selfishness and when we accept that then that is what makes us safe. Once we recognise we have a choice about how we behave then we can start truly forgiving, being truly kind and compassionate and that will lead us to our true nature which is to be joyful.
Today my most profound wish is that I have the courage to recognise my compensations, heal what lies beneath and become my best self.