When we have a problem that just will not go away in our career or in our relationships, there seems to be an insurmountable issue that we are avoiding in one of two ways. Either we learn to live with the problem and adjust to it, or we withdraw far enough away that sooner or later the career or the relationship breaks up. Both ways are indicators of some emotional place we will not go to and the problem will continue until we do visit and experience and transform this place. However much we react with the tried and tested methods of denial and dissociation, the issue still persists.
It also seems apparent that the more healing work we do the more obvious this doorway becomes, as much of what was hiding it is stripped away; even so, we still develop strategies to avoid this place. One strategy for the most advanced POV students is disconnecting upwards: instead of going down into the deeper feelings, we feel a few feelings then go to a place of grace and happiness but we don’t clear the issue. If we do this too much in some cases we start to appear bi-polar or at least have big mood swings.
Recently on our 5-day training in Munich (actually Ottobrun which they keep telling me is Munich) we found this door and what it seemed to hide was a place when we were very small and we hit a place of emotional burnout. Burnout does not fully describe this place as it has aspects of extreme overwhelm, sense of total failure and a loss of self. As children we found ourselves in a situation where the emotions and unresolved issues going on in our families burdened us to breaking point and beyond. We would have felt everything that was going on around us and as many of our parents carried so much buried emotion all this fell on our tiny shoulders and at some point it became too much and we cracked, we burnt out emotionally. Deep down inside we are a very crispy critter but we crawled out of that experience, took a leaf out of our parents’ book and slammed the door and went independent and dissociated.
And now there is an issue in our lives that gnaws away at us; there is a solution we cannot find and a love we cannot have. This burnout will not leave us alone and it repeats in our work and in our relationships and we can run but we cannot hide. Sooner or later we will face it. We need to recognise we are no longer 2 or 3 or 4 years old and now we can revisit this place with more understanding and compassion but we do need to experience it, to clean out this deep part of our minds that seems so up for healing these days.
We need to remember to ask for help, we do need to call on all our courage and we do need to remember who walks with us and we can do it.
With love, Jeff