We are reminded almost continuously about the spider’s web that is sacrifice, a web that most of us have spent a lifetime disengaging from. If we do not learn the lessons of sacrifice and struggle against them then we feel more and more constricted by the dynamics of sacrifice.
There is no relationship that does not have an element sacrifice to it. We have worked on our relationship for over 20 years and yet we still bring to the surface sacrifice patterns. As we look out at the hundreds of people we know and their relationships we have yet to see one relationship that does not have elements of sacrifice and co-dependency.
The important part is learning what to do when sacrifice shows itself in our relationship. Our first impulse is to do what we have always done to try and escape the sacrifice and that is to go independent. It is often an encouraging sight to see someone who has been in sacrifice for a long time finally let go and step forward, typically into independence. They feel great wondering what took them so long; they feel free and confident without a care in the world.
This would be a great step if it worked! But it is only a matter of time before we sink back into the web and all those old feelings of not having a life, not being able to do what we want, constricted by circumstances, lack of money, lack of support and the lack of equality. Equally naturally we look around to see whose fault it is this time, and our anger builds until finally we feel angry enough to storm off into independence once more. Many of us give up on relationships altogether because of our inability to break this cycle.
There is another alternative and that is to recognize that any sacrifice in our current relationship or business is the sacrifice that we brought in from our childhood, and it is our daily reminder to return, learn the lessons of forgiveness and have the courage to be ourselves. For this is the greatest lesson of life: to be true to ourselves and have the courage step-by-step to give up our guilt, sacrifice and fear without blaming others until within the relationship we become aware of our true nature.
How Love Works: secrets of successful relationships
Sue and Jeff return to Midhurst for their traditional, powerful and fun end of year 3-day workshop
Jeff and Sue