We all play roles and often our roles are so tight fitting that we are unaware of the fact we are caught in them. But our roles are not truly who we are and only lead to us being burned out and feeling that we are a fraud. We then try to balance these negative emotions off by getting hooked into our indulgences that will in turn drive us back into our roles. And so this eventually destructive cycle goes on.
It is essential for us to become vigilant about how we play our roles, and equally vigilant about not getting caught in our indulgences. Awareness is the key and while it is often so easy to spot others’ roles we can be blind to our own. Remember that if a partner or a family member is in a role then everyone connected significantly is more than likely also in a role. It is very seldom true that one partner is in a role and the resulting indulgences and the other is not. Often the partner’s role is a role of being an enabler, or a “helper” or “healer” and this then becomes the engine of the trap of co-dependency.
Our roles were built on a broken past and are therefore compensations stopping us from receiving for the efforts we put in. Our roles come with a large serving of guilt which drives our compulsions and indulgences; and lastly they are built on the dynamics of competition which destroys our relationships and creates the reality of scarcity.
As you can see the roles we play can be a pretty toxic mix in our lives and it is important we do all we can to transcend them and live a more authentic life, holding no-one hostage to our past and embracing the true aspects of freedom. Today we commit to give up our roles, one of mine being action man, the big strong Jeff, and one of Sue’s the kind and sweet schoolmarm!
We know we have more to go, for as with any journey it is about the process and about being as honest as we can, rather than defending ourselves and repeating the whole pattern. Every role at its heart is built on sacrifice, which will eventually tip us into our rage and even the destruction of our universe. The payoff for dealing with our roles is the freedom and lightness to be ourselves, and the joy and fun that brings to our relationships.
Jeff and Sue