We live in a balanced Universe, or at least that is what the scientists tell us. We are like a massive spinning gyroscope that balances even on a piece of string when spinning fast enough. Assuming that is the case, if we were not balanced we would disintegrate into something completely different. And to be honest that is all I know or am willing to guess regarding the subject of balance in our world and the universe we occupy.
However, I do know that relationships undoubtedly balance. When we are teaching about relationships, especially if they have lasted a few years, we often talk about how every relationship is totally in a state of balance. That is to say that however one partner is acting, however they are feeling, if it is not brought to the surface and addressed then both partners will move off their centers to the same degree.
Some years ago Susie and I went for a walk with a new acquaintance in the Hampshire countryside. It was a beautiful day and as we walked we started to get to know our new friend. It soon became apparent that she was a very accomplished and professionally successful media person and the more she told us of herself the more Susie became awed by her and went into her good nice sweet personality. The more Susie made all the appropriate noises the more I went totally the other way. I was almost overcome by an urge to charge over the field towards a herd of cows with lust in my eyes. I wanted to behave so badly but just in time I realized what I was doing; I was off my center but in the opposite direction than Susie was. We spoke of it afterwards and realized how we were off our centers and as soon as one of us centered ourselves so our partner would also return to their center.
All this begs another question and that is why we are so unaware of when we are balancing our partner. It is so easy to spot what they are doing wrong and where they are off in one direction or another, yet we almost never bring it back to ourselves. Why are we so blind to our lack of balance? I think that lies in our childhood when we so early lost the understanding of how, no matter what was happening, our parents were in balance. This means we have not seen the situation clearly and instead we judge one parent to be the good one, or the better one, and the other as the bad parent or the one that certainly deserves the re-education camp.
Our parents’ lives were balancing; as far as one was off center the other was equally. As far as one was independent the other was dependent, as far as one was aggressive the other was passively aggressive. Our parents were in a dance together and we got caught up in it and now we are blinded to the dance we are in with the people around us in the present. Our partner is one bookend and we are the other; there is no escaping this and it is essential we remember it.
Take some time today to look at any significant relationship and be willing to become honest about where we are off our centers and our partner is out there hanging out in the freshening breeze doing everything to balance out our im-movable arse!!!
Jeff and Sue