Did you ever wonder why it is so difficult to tell the truth? Many of us have created a whole vocabulary around telling anything but the truth, which means we are then, by definition, lying. Some of us go for colour coding to justify our white lies assuming there is a whole range between white and black, maybe even a green lie. Anyway that is not so much the point as our lack of ability to just tell it like it is. Recently in a communication with Chuck Spezzano he said this simple thing, you know one of those simple things that turns on the light.  He said where we can’t tell the truth it is because of our fusion!

We could go up to a stranger and have no problem telling them anything, but when we start dealing with people a little closer then because of our fusion we resort to bending the truth. Our fusion is where we have lost a strong sense of self; it usually began when we over-identified with a significant other when we were very young and now because of our lost selves and the subsequent loss of boundaries we find ourselves, often daily, not being able to be honest, honest with our parents, honest with our kids then with our partners and even our friends. All this also means we are often not even honest about ourselves, and instead strive to develop an artificial self, which is itself a lie. When you start looking at this dynamic it is easy to discover a long list.

There are those of us who claim to always tell the truth, but then we wield it like a stick speaking with so much hidden agenda that any truth is quickly lost. One of my least favourite sayings to hear from another are those sphincter-clenching words, “I will speak MY truth”. You know that it is often the prelude to an attack.  Then there are those that fight for the truth which is a bit of an oxymoron as the truth just is and certainly does not need anyone to fight for it.

But getting back to why we lie so easily . . . it must be because we believe we will no longer be liked or respected or considered “good” so we avoid the truth and dress everything up. It seems obvious that we believe we will lose something by telling the truth; if we expand that it is the same as saying if we were being true to who we were we believe we will lose something. This takes us back to the feeling of scarcity that was present when we lost bonding and fused with a significant other that created the tendency to lie in the first place.

With hindsight we see that from early on we built our ego on a series of lies. If we don’t unravel this knot we are doomed to continue on this path, which has few rewards as it robs us of peace and true connection with those close to us and to the Creator. It is a big price to pay for a lack of courage.

With love, Jeff

In Shenzhen, China