During our training in Hawaii this year a Japanese Psychology of Vision Trainer spoke of a workshop she gave in Tokyo called “Ageman (Aa-ghe-mann) – The path of the abundant wife.” This is a high-level feminine gift workshop that speaks clearly of the significant contribution a woman can give to men and through them and their relationship to life they give to everyone. This is the destiny of women and when the power and the influence of it are embraced it significantly affects the circumstances of people’s lives.
Before we go on let’s make a couple of basic points about men in general. Left to their own devices, for the most part, men will almost certainly screw up. We all know of men who, when making choices by themselves, drift off the track, lose integrity, and finally still believe a fight or even a war is a solution to problems. We only need to read or watch the news about what is going on in our world to see ample evidence of this and we all know friends whose relationships and marriages are further evidence and then of course there are our own relationships.
Many women respond to this behaviour in men by giving up on relationships or starting to compete with men. Considering men’s neediness around sex, their belief in being right even when most have little or no idea what they are doing, all compounded by a lack of skill in transformational communication, the outcome is a no brainer. If a woman gets caught in this trap in a relationship, if she starts using emotional indulgences or manipulation to get what she wants so that her energy becomes basically taking, then she becomes what the Japanese call “Sageman”, the opposite to Ageman. When women have this energy and men have intercourse with them they are depleted, depleted of energy and while there might be moments of relief the general direction of their lives is not a good one. This can happen from an encounter with a prostitute or with a long-term life partner. When the energy of Sageman is prevalent it is only a matter of time before something goes wrong and the feelings of failure and loneliness become conscious often being acted out.
However when the energy of the female partner is the energy of Ageman then the outcome is the opposite. Now the man is refreshed, nurtured and has a sense of sanctuary. The gift of sanctuary is a very high level feminine gift that allows her partner to relax, let down their guard and be at peace with themselves and their world. When he feels this energy and goes back into the world he becomes a hero, fearless in his decision making, appreciative of his partner, abundant and successful. He becomes a willing learner and fully embraces his position in his life becoming the husband to his wife, a father to his children and a leader in his career. Naturally some men make the mistake of thinking this achievement is due to their own ability and now they have made the first of many big mistakes. The contribution of the Ageman is energetic; it touches men in a deep unconscious place and fills pockets of ancient pain with love and tenderness. It is a giving that rides a horse called Grace. It is a giving that changes everything.
Whether she likes it or not, the woman directs the relationship and when the direction is given with the energy of the Ageman, when that energy is fully embraced, then the man will listen and the relationship will become a loving, abundant and enduring partnership between different but equal people. We in the west haven’t defined the concept of Ageman so clearly, but we can really learn from this Japanese perception. As we look around we can see it applies within one-to-one relationships and within families; from there it widens to include communities and beyond. It starts with us as individuals in our relationships and it is all about giving, giving at higher and higher levels.
Jeff and Sue